Monday, February 28, 2005

public meanness

So yesterday, I wrote a long, ranting post about a fight that I had with my DH in the morning. You'll notice that it no longer appears on my blog. See, the thing is, I don't even know if he's noticed that I have a blog yet. But it seemed like not the best way for him to find out.

The thing I like about blogging is its total anonymity. I don't want to be one of those people who has comments written on their blog by their sister, or their next door neighbor. (Assuming, of course, that I don't get dooced.) I want to just be the mildly amusing blog that you read once in a while, and think, now why can't be as funny as her? Okay, I'd even like to think that about myself.

But is it fair game to pick on my spouse, and risk that he might stumble across this blog and have the first entry be my version of a fight that we had? I don't think so. I'm not saying that I'll never snipe at him here, but I think I should at least give him the opportunity to respond in person to any major character assassination.

Of course, this is not the philosophy that I espouse in my journal. We have a long-standing agreement that if he doesn't want to read anything bad about himself, he just shouldn't read my journal at all. Not that I'm tearing him a new one every time I write in my journal--on the contrary, I hardly ever write about him at all. But I learned, from a previous oh-so-bad experience with journal privacy in dating, that it's pointless to tell someone that you live with not to read your journal. It only makes them want to read it more. And then you're both stuck with the consequences.

• Posted By landismom @ 2/28/2005 05:06:00 PM
I'm just bummed that I missed the post with all the good dirt :)- but it sounds like you did the right thing.

I also haven't told my husband, and I wonder if its wrong. Its not that I don't want him to know or that I plan to write anything bad about him. I guess I'm more concerned about the fact that I've told him sometimes that I need to "work" late and I tell him about the blogging he'll say- if you didn't spend so much time blogging you'd get your work done during the day. True, but I don't want to hear it.
Yeah, on the one hand, I just don't think he'll care (at least, now that I took down the attacking post). On the other hand, there is something freeing about knowing that I can write this thing that he'll never know about. Not that it's specific to him--the joy is in the anonymity from anyone I know. I wouldn't want my mom reading either, even though it's not about her.
I don't tell my husband about my blog because he doesn't read blogs currently and with a PS2, TiVo and DirecTV with how many? sports channels, the last thing he needs is another outlet for his boundless capacity to waste time.
I don't think I say anything on my blog that I wouldn't say directly to his face.
Tabitha, I think that's a really good philosophy. I might vent about him to a girlfriend, but I wouldn't say anything to her that I wouldn't say to him--why would I do it here?
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